I've been busy

So it's been a while. I don't say that as an apology, just an acknowledgment. (That's really hard to spell by the way. Acknowledgment. I mean, knowledge by itself is pretty tough. But I'm getting sidetracked.) What I'm more concerned with and quite ashamed of, is how busy I have allowed myself to become. It's all 'good' - Working hard in my classes, learning lots, meeting new people, getting tight with my profs. Dance lessons, Thursdays at The Hall. Breakaway on Tuesday if I can get away from studio. Church Sunday if I'm not too tired. But now you may begin to see the issue. I'm free falling into one of the deadliest traps. I've allowed myself to become so busy - embraced it in fact - that I've shut out and turned into the cold my God and Savior. No, I can't read my bible this morning. I've got a prelim due by 11! What would I do if I don't get a 4.0??

I heard a quote from some D-now curriculum I taught from a week ago. A guitarist said in an interview if he neglected to practice a few days, he could notice a difference. If he failed to practice regularly for a few weeks, his audience could notice. You can quickly equate that to the daily walk and conversation with Jesus. Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know what's beyond the audience-noticing phase, but I'm rapidly approaching it, and I don't want to find out. I see broken and hurting people around me everyday, but I never seem to summon the urge to actually care and DO something.

I have a friend, my best friend in fact, here at A&M. He's grown in spiritual leaps and bounds, just in the last year alone. He's doing things for his faith, for Jesus, even becoming chaplain for his battalion. Unit. Whatever it is. He's plugged in with some strong believers in the Corps, and they're DOING things. They see guys all around hurting or struggling, and he'll go up and just talk to them, pray for them. My friend has almost become alienating to people because of the intensity of his faith. I want that. I want to be so crazy for my Savior that I will risk anything. Relationships, friends, grades, a career. Instead I can't find the time to crack open my bible.

I've had a lot happen to me in the last year. For one, I'm studying architecture at Texas A&M. Turns out I'm actually pretty good at it, pulled off all A's last semester, and this semester should be the same. I don't say that to brag, just setting the stage. I've become friends with some awesome people. I've caught the attention of some of the major professors and faculty in the college. Academically things couldn't be going better. That can happen when you ditch everything for a career. Outside of architecture though, things blur. I've lost contact with some of my closest friends, people that keep me tied to reality and accountability. I don't seek out close friendships with guys. Sometimes I blame it on the fact that they're too busy chasing girls to care about friendship, but that's only a half truth. In the rare circumstances when someone shares their life or troubles with me, all I can muster is a 'that sucks', offer my sympathies, and move on. When did I become so uncaring, forgetting the restoration given to me, and the gift I have to tell other people about?

My 'love life' is somewhat dismal, but yet one somewhat bright spot. Earlier this year I took a chance and dove for a girl, decided 'what the heck' and pursued her. It was a half-hearted attempt though and poorly timed, now I've had my heart half broken yet again. For any of you that know me, you know that's 1.5 breaks. On the upside, since then I've met a different girl. Normally I would count that a good thing, She seems pretty amazing, even though I barely know her. I don't want to make the same mistake though - being selfish, only pursuing what I want. This is where the bright spot comes. The realization hit me, if I want to have any chance, if I want to pursue her at all, develop a friendship and relationship, I'm going to have to be a stronger christian than I've ever been before. I have no right to attempt to win her heart if mine isn't in the right place. Perhaps it's for the wrong reason, the wrong impetus. But this girl that I barely know has grabbed my attention, and just that thought may be enough to turn me back to the one who truly loves me, and who knows exactly what He has planned for me. I've wandered far - not into a deep mire of sin, but something worse, being lukewarm. I don't want that. Everything inside me screams this is the wrong direction.

College can be the worst influence on a person, causing them to forsake all their morals and beliefs they had before. Or, it can be the greatest catalyst to ever hit them, causing radical change in their life and those around them. In between, in the lukewarm, isn't a permanent state. You end up going down one road or the other. I know which road I want. I want to be a valiant warrior for Christ, fighting dragons, Being Wild at Heart, all for my King. This is my stake in the ground. This will be my turning point. Mediocrity is no longer an option.

A verse I read a little while ago spoke to me. It may not make sense in light of the above, but hopefully I can explain it a bit. Psalms 17:15 says 'As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.' That verse spoke to me and convicted me, because I haven't been satisfied. I've been seeking the treasure of this world and completely ignoring the treasures of the one above. I'm living for the temporal, not the eternal. Who cares what happens to me in this life, it's a moment, just a dot. What really matters is how I use my time for God's glory. That's the real goal. It's time to become Wild at Heart.

'I'm done, I'm through. Ignoring you, now it's true. I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace.'