Age integration

Below is one of the essays I wrote for entrance to A&M. Because it was a formal essay, it doesn't have the same tone or style that my other posts have, but hopefully you can gain something from it. A friend that helped review it before I sent it in last fall requested that I post it online, so here it is.

What is our most significant emotional need?  Some may consider physical affection important, yet others would suggest family commitment. I propose that the most vital emotional need is for others to hear and understand us as individuals. In particular, younger children thrive when others take the time to genuinely listen and empathize with their feelings. Unfortunately our society encourages age segregation which especially hinders young adults from stepping outside their comfort zone to engage in relationships with the younger generation.  The long term impact of older youth failing to build meaningful relationships with children is a deterrent to mentoring. Furthermore, since the younger generation fails to receive an encouraging model, they perpetuate the negligent example when they become young adults. I challenge my generation to recognize the distractions and traps which hinder us from seeking friendships with children and discover the extraordinary value of hearing and understanding them as individuals.

One trap of our culture, age segregation, is directly encouraged through how our society structures education, extracurricular activities, and even religious organizations. For example, most school districts organize their campuses by separating grade groups. Despite appropriate benefits in separating a high school campus from an elementary campus, this separation results in high school students having limited interaction with younger students. Although service projects involving tutoring and mentoring encourage communication between older and younger students, the vast majority of the school day is spent with peers. One might assume that relationships would naturally develop between teenagers and children, given the variety of extracurricular activities available. However, closer examination of some of these activities such as sports and scout clubs illustrates similar age segregation. Considering the busy after-school life of the average family, little time is left for pursuing quality relationships among different ages within the family. Furthermore, a family has little hope of finding quality time together within church or religious settings since most of these organizations employ age segregation as well. Overall, the structure of institutions within our society often discourages the typical young adult from seeking relationships with younger people.

Fortunately, some extracurricular groups recognize the weaknesses of age segregated activities and conduct meetings with a goal of integrating older and younger youth for the purpose of mentoring. Personally, I have experienced the benefits of this type of group as the activities coordinator for a father-son program, ALERT Cadets. As an ALERT leader, I developed several friendships with boys from eight to twelve years old.  From these friendships, I discerned how important it is for a boy to build relationships with young men who are positive role models.  Fathers in the program often shared how meaningful it was for their sons to discover that I valued diligence, honesty, and service. One key way to combat the impact of age segregation involves young adults participating in programs structured to integrate older and younger youth.

As my peers consider age integrated programs, one pitfall must be avoided. I challenge every young adult to examine his motive for participation. I have personally experienced the difference between a volunteer who genuinely seeks friendships with children, and one who engages simply to spend more time with fellow volunteers. I remember the hurt I felt when volunteers in a church club chose to ignore me outside the meeting. However, I continue to benefit from the relationship a young man sought to develop with me as he led one of the small groups. James always made a priority of visiting with me regardless of the situation. As a leader who personally invested in our lives, James had the desire to present lessons in a practical and influential way. Today, I am often motivated to genuinely relate to younger children because of his example.

Compounding the problem of age segregation, our culture's increased use of personal electronics creates distractions that frequently reduce availability for meaningful interaction. Ironically, the devices designed to improve communication often replace significant interaction with pointless babble. A recent study of Twitter demonstrated that forty percent of updates are useless statements such as, "I'm eating a sandwich now." What happened to the significance of face-to-face conversation? Picture the mainstream adolescent busy listening to his iPod, texting his friend, and surfing the net – usually all at once. Because over half of communication is non-verbal, this excessive electronic use limits sensitivity to those near him who desire to be heard and understood.

Young adults who choose to step outside their comfort zone and invest time in the younger generation by seeking genuine relationships with them will benefit from the blessing of friendships and learn valuable skills. Because I have spent time playing games and visiting with children of various ages in our church, I appreciate several friendships I would have otherwise missed if I had gravitated to only associating with my peers. By organizing games for the children, I have developed leadership skills such as resolving conflicts and encouraging teamwork.  A young friend of mine was inspired to develop his own lawn maintenance business as a result of meaningful conversations we have enjoyed. I continue to refine my skills when he approaches me with questions about my landscaping business that prompt me to learn as well.  Clearly, remarkable opportunities await those who seek friendships outside their peer group.

My generation can reverse the trend of neglecting younger individuals.  The challenge requires sacrificing time with our peers to discern the need of the younger generation for mentors. These mentors must be willing to go beyond the obligations of a typical service project and develop lasting friendships. By recognizing the subtle traps in society that discourage meaningful communication beyond our age group, we can realize the life-long influence of relationships with younger people.